The 10 Most Common Dating Patterns I've seen in 2024...and 10 Secrets to Shifting them.
One of the biggest realizations that I had in 2024 is that attracting an authentic, deep, healthy relationship is not about crafting the perfect text message, always being in your feminine energy, searching endlessly for red flags or following any of the rule based dating strategies we often hear about.
It’s about knowing your unique patterns and finding more integration within them.
That sounds like a mouthful, I KNOW. So let me break this down for you.
What I saw in my clients (and myself!) is that most of us blindly operate in extreme patterns that don’t really serve us. And yes, much of the time, we are unaware.
For example, one of my clients came to me because she believed she was Anxiously Attached, but I saw right away what was holding her back in love - her hyper independence and inability to ask or receive support. Which also showed up as overgiving and self sacrificing.
Those patterns - hyperindependence and overgiving are protective strategies, and parts of self that literally are a part of our programming (typically from childhood).
There can be a LOT of resistance to shifting these patterns because it literally feels unsafe, on a subconscious level.
But these extremes hold us back - for example, you can’t cultivate a deep, healthy connection if you aren’t willing to accept support from a partner and you overgive/overextend yourself.
And typically, you’ll attract unhealthy partners who take advantage of these patterns. Or perhaps mirror them. It can go either way. So in this case, maybe attracting equally hyper-indepenent partners which limits the intimacy. Or attracting a partner who takes advantage of your overgiving nature.
Either way, you’re attracting unhealthy partners.
The way to overcome these patterns is of course, being aware. But also, doing the subconscious work so that you feel safer to show up differently. Sometimes shadow work is involved too, especially if you judge the opposite of what you’re doing (very common). And then of course, it is crucial to actually take the ACTION to experiment showing up in a new way.
And when you do this, magic happens. Things as magical as getting back together with the ex boyfriend you still loved (yes, that was what happened to me this year!)
So with that, here are the top 10 dating patterns I saw in 2024 - and I’ll give you one practical tip to overcoming each of them! These are the exact things that I talk to my clients about, so you’re getting a behind the scenes look and basically a mini training!
NUMBER ONE: Clinginess - I don’t even need to define this because I think pretty much everyone knows what this means! But it looks like being overly reliant, overly focused, obsessed with a man falls into this category. Feeling very attached and like you NEED him to be happy and ok.
Your medicine: self reliance, lean back, cultivate independence.
To shift: Ask yourself, what is one thing that I’m GETTING from this relationship? How can I cultivate this thing in my life, for myself? I’ve shared this in the past, but one of the things I used to get from partners was fun/adventure. So, I literally bought a car, found a girlfriend as a permanent travel buddy, and started to take bi-monthly trips.
NUMBER TWO: Perfection - This one OFTEN goes unnoticed, but many women have this belief: “I must be perfect to be loved.” I see this with women who study